BAFTA-nominated comic Romesh Ranganathan is well-known for his vegan lifestyle as well as his comedy skills.
The small screen star, who hasn’t eaten meat since he was 12, has turned his attention to writing and penned a column for the Guardian about how to ‘survive’ Christmas as a vegan.
According to the star, vegans will need patience and humility to deal with ‘the morally corrupt dairy- and meat-eating savages who make up most of the populace’.
And, he says, do not touch that vegan cheese…
Ranganathan admits turning down invitations is ‘always [his] first strategy’ – but as this won’t be possible for most people, they should accept they will be asked a lot of questions, and be considered a difficult guest.
“People don’t want to invite you round, because having a vegan round is a pain in the arse,” he writes.
“They have to check all the ingredients and find vegan alternatives to all the traditional Christmas desserts, and they’re terrified of giving you something that ends up not being vegan.”
There is one alternative to being a considerate guest, he says: “Be a massive pr*ck to ensure you don’t get asked back.”
In order to avoid sharing your food (a must, he claims), you should pretend it is disgusting.
“I hate sharing,” he writes. “This is not a dilemma I have to face often, thanks to vegan food’s terrible reputation.”
One thing he doesn’t have to pretend to hate is vegan cheese, which he says you should avoid at all costs.
He says: “There are nut cheeses that taste passable, and even some that taste very good. But the fact is they Do. Not. Taste. Like. Cheese.”
It’s important, he says, not to ‘bang on’ about your reasons for being vegan at Christmas.
“Most people are generally aware of the arguments regarding veganism and vegetarianism, and many people continue to eat meat and dairy despite being conflicted about the morality of their choices,” he writes.
“The truth is, people don’t like being lectured at the best of times, and they certainly don’t want to be told about the horrors of animal slaughter when they’re still dealing with the aftermath of their behaviour at the office party.”
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